Ginger Snap versus Sugar Lumps
by BlueSkiddles
Summary: Married Hermione and Ron get into a tiff over nicknames at breakfast.


"Good mornings, Ronniekins!"

Ron groaned as he heard his pet name, it was way too early for that sort of thing. He had hoped that when he married the sensible girl he would have done away with pet names forever; Lavender had positively tortured him with names like that in his sixth year.

"Ronniekins! Wake up before you are late to work! AGAIN!"

"Hermione, you know I hate that name!" Ron rolled over, eyes wide open, to see his smiling wife of five years. "And besides, we agreed NEVER to use pet names, that we were too mature for that sort of thing." This comment earned a snort from Hermione.

"Too mature? Hardly the words I would use to describe you. Short-tempered, stubborn, even pig-headed would have been better choices for you. I'm still going to call you Ronniekins, it was adorable when I heard Fred and George call you that and it still is!" Only five years of marriage and they already nagged each other.

Ron sighed; Hermione was never silly in Hogwarts. She had been the most mature young woman he had ever had the fortune (and misfortune) to meet. She was intelligent, fairly pretty once you looked past the wild hair that she had now managed to control, and a great kisser. But she revealed a horrible secret to him on their wedding night: She could be as airheaded and hormonal as the next girl.

Finally remembering that Hermione could prove to be very testy if he ignored her, Ron crawled slowly out of bed and rubbed his forehead.

"Oh, and speaking of Fred and George, they're having breakfast with us in thirty minutes. Harry and Ginny, too. Turns out Ginny was stalked by a deranged owl and Harry valiantly offered to save the damsel in distress. In other words, they're back together! Isn't that wonderful?

Now hurry and take a shower so you can look somewhat presentable." Hermione continued to babble on for a few minutes before shoving him in the direction to the bathroom and waltzing out to make breakfast.

Twenty-five minutes later, a fully dressed and presentable Ron sat down at the kitchen table and looked expectantly at his wife. She was happily humming as she added chives to the scrambled eggs on the hot stove top. Hermione turned around.

"Oh, Ronniekins," she smirked, "You've got three minutes to spare! Hmm . . . maybe not three minutes." The loud knocking on the back door of the Weasley-Granger household startled Ron. It sounded like someone was attempting to play the 1812 Overture with a saw.

"Must be Fred and George."

After receiving several coughs, a few jabs, and a violent "MOVE!" from Hermione, Ron went to open the door. Fred, George, Ginny, and Harry were all together, smiling giddily at a him. Ginny flashed her left hand at Ron and Hermione, who had just walked up to the door. Hermione hugged Ginny and they went into the kitchen, talking excitedly. Ron, however, stood at the door looking stupidly at the three men.

"Did she just flip me off?"

"No," came Ginny's exuberant voice, "Hare-Bear and I are getting married!"

"Aw, Ginny-gin-gin! I don't think you have to share our pet names with everyone," whined a blushing Harry. Ron, Fred, and George all snickered; at least Fred and George snickered. Ron receive a vicious smirk from Hermione, who was now ushering everyone to a spot at the table and dolling out large portions of decent food (it had only taken her three years to learn how to cook), when he attempted to laugh.

"Well, RON," said Hermione, mockingly, "Harry and Ginny have pet names for each other. Why can't we have pet names for ourselves?" Hermione turned to Ginny and continued. "I can't call him Ronniekins anymore! And, by the way, we never did agree to never use pet names: we agreed to never call each other Mudblood and Weasel if we ever got into an argument. Don't you remember?"

It was Ron's turn to smirk. "Oh really? So I can use YOUR pet name then?" Hermione paled, Harry and Ginny were smiling, and Fred and George had out paper and pencil, ready to right down names for future blackmail use.

"Don't you dare Ron! Ronald, I'm serious! Ronald!"

Ron leaned forward and said in a loud stage whisper:

"Sweety Pie." Hermione, not to be outdone, leaned forward as well.

"Cinnamon Buns."

"Angel Fish."

"Ginger Snap."

"Pwetty Kitty!"

"My Knight in shining armor!"

"Brown-eyed Girl!"

"MY VERY FUNNY HONEY BUNNY!" Hermione shrieked.

"MY TOOTSIE POOPSIE SUGAR LUMPS!" bellowed Ron.

Fred and George were writing down names as fast as they heard them. Harry and Ginny were both pale and whispering into each other's ear that they would never use a pet name again; it offered too much black mail for the spouse and anyone withing a ten-mile radius. Everyone's attention snapped back to Hermione, who looked like she had one name left in her. She leaned forward slowly, drew in a long breath, and spoke.

"I give up, I promise to never use your nickname ever again." Ron smiled and vowed he would never use her nicknames either. Fred and George were both in stitches on the floor, talking aloud about their plans for using those nicknames for wonderful repellents to sell in their flourishing store.

"Don't you dare use those names, Fred, George. We were having an argument, that was all. Besides, I think you'll make Hermione very upset." Indeed, Hermione was upset: her lower lip was quivering and she looked like she was ready to cry.

"Don't cry Hermione! Fred and I were only joking! We may treat Ginny that way, but that's only because we can't get rid oh her." Ginny cried out indignantly, and slapped George on the arm. "Only joking, sis. We wouldn't use your nicknames either. Ron, however, is a whole other Quidditch Match. I can see it now! Cinnamon Bun's Aftershave: guaranteed to put dirt smudges on your lover's face! Remember that from first year, Fred?"

Fred, and everyone else at the table, remembered that all too well. In fact, they remembered many stories (most of them having to do with Ron) and they traded them all through breakfast. Finally, everyone at the table rose from their seats and walked to the front door. Ron, now fuming, was roughly the color of Harry's angry, and now quite mad, Uncle Vernon. The color soon faded to something more natural as Ron smiled deviously. Ron coughed loudly.

"Fred, George? I'll be seeing mom tonight. Do you want me to tell her that Georgey Porgy Pudding Pie and Freddie Squelchy Huggie-bun-buns said hi?"

Fred and George promptly fainted on the sidewalk.


End file.
